I love magic. I also REALLY LOVE BEER! I found a way a number of years ago to win free beer through magic. Let me show you how!

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FREE BEER

To start, you will need to go to a hardware store and invest something that cut a penny in half. You will need 4 pennies plus your 1/2 penny in your pocket. I carry a half a penny in my wallet wherever I go. That way all I need is to get four pennies and I''m ready to go!

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4 ½ cent trick – FREE BEER

Make small talk to someone in a bar. Ask them what they do for a living. Then tell them they your are a mentalist. You can do a pretty good job reading numbers out of peoples mind..

     "Here, let me try it on you. I'm pretty good but sometimes I mess up."

  1. Pick a two digit number. Separate the two numbers and then add them together and subtract them from

     the original number. Say this in one sentence or the trick will get messed up!

  2. NEXT - Do you have a new two digit number or a one digit number?

  3. If two digit, separate them, add them together and divide them by lets say 2.

  3. If it is one digit number, DO NOT have them do anything except, "lets take that number and divide by 2!"

  4.  I‘ll reach into my pocket and pull out some change. Grab the 4 1/2 cents in your pocket and hold your fist

        out closed face up.

  5.  I will bet you a beer that the number you are thinking of matches the change in my pocket.

NOTE 1:         When doing this trick, they will ALWAYS get to the number 9 just before you ask them to divide by 2.

                    If they picked a number 10-9, they will only have a one digit number. This is why you MUST ASK. If

                    they picked  20-99, they will have a two digit number and you will need to perform step 3.

NOTE 2:         If they tell you the wrong number, DON’T OPEN YOUR HAND. Tell them you

                        want to check their math to make sure they aren’t cheating! Ask them for their

                        original two digit number and walk through the math.

NOTE 3:         Sometimes you may get someone who doesn’t want to give the numbers out. In

                        this case, simply tell them that you are not going to put your hand back in your

                        pocket and you have already picked a random amount from your pocket.

FINAL DELIVERY:   Sell it. Ask them for their number (see note 3 if it applies). Announce that it doesn’t look good for me at all. Looks like I’m going to owe you a beer. Open your hand to revel the 4 ½ cents. Tell them, “No, looks like you are going to owe me a beer!”

THE TRICK – If you do the trick correct, it will always be 4 ½

Example:         The number 53. 5+3=8,   53-8= 45,   4+5=9   9/2= 4 ½

                        The number 14. 1+4=5, 14-5 = 9, 9/2= 4 1/2

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ANOTHER MIND GAME

This is another great parlor or bar room trick. The objet is to use your mental powers.

First you need to have this set up. You will need a partner in crime who understands the basic concept of the trick. Two, you will need at least 6 coaster (drink coaster) that are flat. Almost every bar in the world has these.

 

THE TRICK: Have someone take a small piece on napkin and place it under one of the FIVE coasters while you leave with your back turned. When they are ready they will call you back over. Look into their eyes and no one elses. Hover your hand over each coaster while "reading" their mind. Begin elimaning each coaster announcing, "It's not here" and flip the coaster over. Get down to the final two and reval where it is hidden.

 

HOW: Set five coasters up so there are four making a square with a fifth in the middle (like what you would see on a dice "5"). Make sure these are spread out some. Take the sixth coaster (or 7th and 8th coaster) and flip them to other people at the bar or table making sure one of these goes to your assistant (note: No one knows you have an assistant). Tell the person you are a mentalist. Tell them you can read their mind and can prove it. Give them a piece of the napkin and tell them that you will turn your back and walk away while they secretly place it under a coaster. You will then come back and read their mind. Once they have hidden the napkin and call you back, take a quick glance the table. You are looking for the coaster in front of your assistant. They will have placed their drink down on the coaster to reveal to you where the napkin is hidden. For instance, if it is in the center, their drink would be in the center of the coaster. If it is under top right, their drink would be placed in the top right of their coaster and so on. Now you quickly look into the eyes of the person who placed the napkin as you continue to walk back. Look only into their eyes and tell them to concentrate on where the napkin was placed. Begin holding your hand over different coasters while "getting a read" from him. Begin stating, "Iit's not here," while flipping up coasters until you have two. Then tell them where it is.

 

WANT FREE BEER? This can be done to win beers too! I like to not bet on the first one and get it wrong. Then ask to try again and bet a beer/drink. Get it right and collect! Sometimes they go double or nothing. BONUS!!

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Quick Magic

This is particular great in a group. You will need a pencil or thin that you will be able to put behind your ear. Grab something small that has a little bit of weight. A coin or tube of chapstick works well. You want to be able to completely enclose this in your fist. Also note that there should be NOTHING in your left pants pocket. You don's want to hear a sound!

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   1.   Hold your left hand out palm up with the object

   2.  In your right hand hold a pencil at one end.

   3. Announce that you are going to make this object disappear before their very eyes. Tell them that you are going to count to

       three using your magic pencil. Tell them to keep their eyes on your fist to.

   4. Close your fist and bring the pencil from near your right ear down to your fist and count ONE!

   5. Open your fist to show them the object is still there. Announce it hasn't gone anywhere yet! Keep your eye on my fist!

   6. Close your fist and bring the pencil back up near your right ear. Bring the pencil down and announce two keeping your fist

      closed

   7. When you bring the pencil up near your ear for the third time, place the pencil behind your ear and bring down a hand without

       the pencil announcing THREE. 

   8. Open your hand immediately. Say in confused tone, "Hum! It still there!" Then announce but wait! Where did my pencil go!

   9. Take your right hand and point at your right ear.. Their eyes will follow where you are pointing.

  10. As you point to your ear, twist your hips so your right side of your head comes into clear vie. This also blocks the sight of your

       left pocket. While pointing, bring your left hand down and drop the object into your left pocket (Tight jeans won't work!).

  11. Once this is dropped, quickly close your fist. While grabbing the pencil from your ear. This should be down in one smooth

       motion.

  12. Once you have the pencil back and your fist back in front of you. Tap one, two, three on your fist and open your hand. The

       object is gone!

  13. This is a double trick. If there is a child, have them blow on your hand or say something magical before opening your hand.

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Jokes

Good jokes should be told like a story. As if this really happens to you or someone you know as opposed to just telling a joke!

 

Favorite

           A Jew and Czechoslovakian were out camping. They began setting up their tents when a bear walked in a swallowed the Czechoslovakian

           whole. The Jew ran in terror to the ranger station and explained what happened. The ranger got his riffle and they ran back up to camp. When

           they got there, there were two bears. A female bear and a male bear.

           The ranged asked the Jew, “Which bear ate your friend?”

           The Jew stated the’ “The female bear!”

           With that, the ranger shot the female bear in the head and the bear dropped dead. The male bear ran from camp scared from the loud shot from

           the gun. The ranger rushed over to the female bear, took out his knife, and sliced open her stomach. Out popped the Czechoslovakian whole

          gasping for breath.

           The Jew shouted, My god! That was amazing, but how did you know to shoot the female bear when I told you it was the male bear?”

           The ranger said, “That was easy! I knew better than to trust a Jew that said the Czech was in the male!”

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   WV  The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from West Virginia. They were given a

           word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was

           "Timbuktu".

          First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

               Slowly across the desert sand

               Trekked a lonely caravan.
               Men on camels, two by two
                Destination---Timbuktu.

         The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and

           recited:

              Me and Tim a-huntin we went,
              Met three whores in a pop up tent.
              They was three, and we was two,
             So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

 

            A West Virginia ma talking with his friend and said I’m going to get me some rodeo sex tonight. His friend said what’s that? The man

            said that is when you doing a girl doggie style and you reach around and cup her breasts while whispering in hear ear, these feel just

            like your sisters! Then you see how long you can stay on before she bucks you off!

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          An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always

          complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

         One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump,

         and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

         All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her  dead on the spot.

        At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he

        would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then       

         shake his head in  disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

       So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but

       always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

      The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so        I'd

      nod my head in agreement."

      "And what about the men?" the minister asked.

     "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.

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Clean

        If a stork brings white babies, and crow brings black babies, what brings no babies?

             A Swallow!

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          A fisherman was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a Gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking

          her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket

          towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back. 'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said as                she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.' They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and

          afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She

          listened to him with interest.

          After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a

          wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything

          had been so incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

         'No,' she replies. .. ....

         'You just happened to catch my eye."

 

Seasonal

   Irish      Mike Kelly goes into a church and the priest see Mike who never comes to church. At the end of the sermon the priest approaches mike

                    and says, Mike Kelly! You never come to mass. What brings you to the church today.

                 Mike says,” Father I can’t lie to you. I was drunk last night and I lost my hat. I knew Paddy O’Hara owns one just like mine and he comes

                     to church every Sunday so I was going to steal his.”

                The priest says and then you heard my sermon today on the 10 commandments and you hear thy shall not steal.”

                Yes father, I did hear your sermon but it wasn’t the thy shall not steal that got me. When you stated thy shalt not commit adultery I

                  remembered where I left my hat!

  Christmas

             Three guys die on Christmas eve and they get to the gates of Heaven. St. Peter states, “In light of these, why don’t you demonstrate

             your Christmas spirit before I allow you entrance. The first guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. He lights and proudly

              states, “The true light of the Lord!”. St. Peter says, “Very good. Proceed.” The second reaches into his pocket and pulls out some keys and

              he shakes them. He says, “Bells! Jingle Bells!”

             “Yes, Yes,” says Peter. “Proceed.”

              The third is frantic. He checks both his pockets. He checks his coat pockets. Checks his shirt pocket and then reaches back into pants

              pocket and pulls out a pair of ladies panties and he shakes them at St. Peter.

              “What are these?” St. Peter asks.

              The third man proudly states, “There Carol’s!”

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Dirty

    Sheep - Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading.

                   Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

                   Wife replies, "I think you'll find, that is a sheep."

                  Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

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 Little Johnny 

                  One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell

                  what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plump and red."
                  Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple."

                   The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking."

                  Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."

                  Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy.

                  "Is it a peach?" Billy asks?

                  "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replies.

                   Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."
                  By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says.

                  "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
                  Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got

                  it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it."

                 "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!"

                 "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"

   

    SS sex    Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
                   "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."

                  "Social Security sex?"
                   "Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.”

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  Breasts   A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1,000?"

                  She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes.

                 Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

 

  Gay bar  I was on a business trip when I accidently wondered into a gay bar. I didn’t realize it until after I ordered my beer. I was sitting at the bar

                  when a guy came up to me and started to talk to me. I explained to him what had happened.

                  He said no problem but since you hear, how would you like to play bar football?” 

                  "What is that,” I asked.

                  “It’s easy to play. You chug your beer and that’s a touchdown. You pull down your pants and fart and that’s the extra point. Here I’ll go

                   1st,” he said.

                   He chugged his beer and yelled, ”TOUCHDOWN!” He pulled down his pants and farted and said, Extra point is good. 7-0. Your

                   turn.”

                   I thought what the hell. I chugged my beer and said, “touchdown.” I dropped my pants bent but before I could fart, he jammed his

                   finger up ass and began yelling, “Block that kick! Block that kick!”